I woke up Wednesday morning, got ready for work, got the girls ready and then sat down for a cup of coffee and some devotional time. As I read my Bible plan, I couldn’t help but mediate on the fact that I felt like I had lost my identity in Christ. I was reading the Bible everyday, I recited a short prayer here and there but I had no motivation or passion for what I was doing anymore.

For the last few months I have question God and even found myself in shouting matches with him when I was home alone, no kids and no husband. I would yell at Him and question why He put me through what I went through. I would stomp, shout, cry, and stomp some more. No one knew what I was going through. No one even knew of this until now, because I’m sharing this with you. And I will probably receive some backlash for this, but when the Holy Spirit speaks something to your soul, don’t hold back because of fear of what others will say. 

Before I decided to write this, I found myself questioning how I lost my identity because of what I went through. Not that what I went through caused me to lose it. No. I allowed for my circumstance to dictate who I was in Christ. 

I recently began attending a different church. I couldn’t understand how I got here, but I got here. I loved, and still love the church I went to for the last six years, but three months prior to deciding to leave, I felt God leading us somewhere else. I literally fought it for those three month until I decided to make the final decision, and... what came after, wasn't so great. I felt deeply hurt – and that’s not to say that it was anyone’s fault, but the heart feels what it feels. After a month of being home, I finally decided it was time to visit the church that God had placed in my heart, and it has been a true blessing. The only thing I regret in all of this, is taking a step back and retaining myself at home for the amount time that I did. Because I decided not to attend any church for a month (I think it was actually a little bit longer), I slowly started to lose myself. And that’s what God has put in my heart for you today. 

Don’t lose yourself because you were hurt by the church. 

It's funny because, a lot times, we are so quick to point the finger at the church; "No, because the church did this, I'm not going anymore." or "No, because I didn't like what they preached, so I'm not going." and sometimes even, "I'm so overwhelmed, so I can't keep doing this".

Come on, my friend! Stop with the excuses!

Regardless of what the church did or did not do, YOU are in charge of your spiritual life. NO ONE ELSE! At the end of the day, if you chose not to go to church, no one made the choice for you, but you. So if you love God, and you want serve Him all the days of your life, put the excuses aside, and recognize that in the midst of the hurt, in the midst of the pain, the rumors, the gossip, the false accusations, the feeling of being overwhelmed, the anger, the confusion, in the midst of that all that....

GOD IS GOD AND HE DOES NOT CHANGE! Your circumstance does not change who He is. Your anger does not change who He is. Your confusion does not change who He is.

This post might sound a bit harsh, but I felt this so heavy in my spirit and I had to share it just as the Holy Spirit but it in my heart. No filter. But it's because I love you, and I want to see you get to the level that God wants you to be in.

I urge you, my friend. Don't give up. Don't stop going to church. Don't stop seeking clarity from above. Don't stop trusting in God. I've been there. I almost gave up and it cost me almost completely losing who I was in Him because I couldn't depend on Him to be my Peace, my Comforter, my Father.

God's calling you to let Him be your Peace. He wants to be your Comforter. He wants be your Father.

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